from generation to generation
Last weekend my family witnessed my niece and her long time boyfriend get married. It was the 4th and last wedding for 2022. Their thoughtfully planned ceremony and reception— flanked by sweet marriage vows and funny, heartfelt speeches— was authentic and very true to their personalities.
My new nephew’s parents are immigrants from the Philippines. His mother was very emotional and tried to hold back tears while she spoke at the reception. By coming to the United States she and her husband sacrificed—like so many immigrants— to give their children more opportunities. Their gratitude and kindness was contagious, although bittersweet. My niece and her husband will be living near his brother in Orange County. For the first time, both sets of parents will be empty nesters, but my guess is that the groom’s Mom and Dad will miss their adult children even more. Coming to a foreign country, while working hard to assimilate and sustain a living makes for a very strong familial bond.
My original title for this week’s blog post was “cultivate hope”. It seemed an appropriate theme as I have watched brides and grooms get married, full of hopes and dreams and ready to commit to a better future together in spite of past and present hardships.
Prevailing news reports have discouraged people from having hope—especially the younger generation. They focus on the scourge of climate change, the pandemic, polarizing political views, war, scarce resources, and starvation. The world is going to flood or burn depending on where you live and there is no hope for a future. Why get married? Why bring a child into such a failing society and a broken planet?
After 4 1/2 years of battling lymphoma and being in and out of the hospital is also discouraging; not just for myself, but for the many other patients I’ve seen suffer and barely cling to life.
In spite of all the bad news around the world and in my own little world I choose to adopt a sunny outlook. At 59 years old I also have some perspective: throughout human history there has always been war, disease, starvation, pollution, floods and fires. There has also been tremendous progress in achieving racial equality, combating pollution, creating opportunities through democratic societies, better food production, vaccines that combat virulent diseases and medicines that can prolong lives. Furthermore the miraculous invention of the telephone and its evolution has allowed people to communicate with their loved ones around the world instantaneously through their own devices.
A few days after my niece’s wedding my husband and I attended a Bar Mitzvah reception at the gorgeous new Chabad Center in Glendale, It was the first big celebration at the center and we were among a few hundred guests to celebrate Rabbi Backman and his wife Shterny’s second son’s big milestone.
The Rabbi spoke a few words about how parents wish for their children to be better than them, as every generation has wished for, although those wishes are not always fulfilled. Still, though, for every important celebration we link with our ancestors from thousands of years ago. L’dor v’dor in Hebrew means “from generation to generation”. We’re transmitting Jewish traditions, culture, and values to the next generation, an intangible but very powerful act of hope and resilience.
In a broader sense “l’dor v’dor” resonates with my nephew’s Filipino parents’ experience as immigrants in the United States and also my Polish great-grandparents, who came to Los Angeles in 1909. They made similar sacrifices to give their four sons a better future and created wonderful opportunities for their offspring and beyond. Another link was built and from there it will continue to thrive and the chain will grow.
The same could be said for the Chabad Center as a new and sacred space where celebrations will continue. We can sustain our heritage, create new links, and repair our world.
After all, people who choose hope over despair; seek connection over isolation; commit to traditions while creating their own, and endure hardship and sacrifice to seek asylum and/or better conditions for their offspring has always been part of the human condition. The world will not abandon us if we strengthen the bonds that sustain us from generation to generation.
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For musical inspiration, here is a link to Sananda Maitreya’s (formerly known as Terence Trent D’Arby). “I Have Faith in these Desolate Times”